Author: Lostiawen

E-mail: changeling@planetx.org

Rated: NC-17

Pairing: VM/OB

Summary: Orlando gets a startling revelation. 

Archive: Please ask.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Warnings: AU, romance, sap, some angst, creepiness. 

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, none of this really happened.  The author is not associated with or is implying anything about the sexual preferences or the lives of the people depicted within. 

Author´s Notes: Dedicated to those who have lost a loved one. 

Thanks to Linda, whose chatty Orli in "Pure Love" and "Infinite Love" was such an inspiration for my Orli.  *mwah*

And I apologize in advance for how large this chapter is, but a lot of stuff happened and I didn´t want to interrupt the flow of things.  It´ll be worth it, believe me.

Posted June 14, 2003

Well, true to Viggo´s word, he´s been able to keep the nightmares away. I was so knackered that I pretty much spent the day in the dream world without any extra help from him. 

The problem was that I didn´t want to spend the day just sitting in the field, so I thought about asking Viggo to twat with things so that I could have some fun. 

I wasn´t too sure about how I was going to ask him without sounding like a spoiled brat, but he figured it out first and offered to shape the dream world into whatever suited my fancy. 

I immediately asked him to let me try bungee jumping and skydiving, two sports that I´ve been dying to have a go at. 

The field faded, and I found myself in the cargo hold of a plane with just Viggo there, and no visible pilot.  Viggo explained to me that he couldn´t create people or animals, but he could create pretty much anything else, and that it was impossible for me to get hurt in this realm. Just to check, I hurled myself out of the plane as soon as he finished talking. 

I got a great rush, but it still felt a bit off, since it was dream-falling and not real falling. Still, I loved it. I loved it so much that I must have thrown myself out of that plane at least a couple of dozen times. The bungee jumping was just as thrilling. Damn, I can´t wait for the chance to try both of them in the real world. 

I tried surfing, but dream-water just doesn´t behave quite right, so I gave that up and I decided to go swimming in the Arctic instead. Then after that, I scaled Mt. Everest and snowboarded the whole way down it. Man, that was such a rush! 

Eventually, I got tired of playing, so I posed for him a bit, and we talked.  Turns out that Viggo was born in the States, but his Dad moved his family to Denmark when he was a teenager. He became a part-time artist after he graduated, and he got married to a singer while he was in his late twenties. He and his wife split, however, and he wandered about the world, working odd jobs, until he came to England. Then he took up residence in this house and became a full-time artist and photographer. 

I told him about how I was born in Canterbury, and about Sam and me mum. I also told him about how I dropped out of school at 16 and moved to London, studied theatre, did plays and small parts, and that I´m now studying at Guildhall. 

It was nice, though, talking with Viggo. He looked like he was really listening to everything I was saying, like everything was important. And he gets this great expression on his face when he´s listening to me. And no, that is not a twee thought, thank you very much. 

I had Viggo wake me up when it got dark so that I could get some food, something to drink, and take a piss. I returned to his house shortly after to sleep. That is, I returned so that my real body could sleep. In my dreams, though, I literally spent the whole night getting shagged. 

Fuck, do you know that he requires almost no recovery time? I´m glad that all of the penetration is in the dream world, or else I´d have a hell of a time sitting down. And shit, the places we´ve shagged in. I still can´t believe some of the things he came up with. 

I had to do some shopping on Sunday, but I was back at Viggo´s as soon as I could. I spent the day really cutting loose with my imagination; doing stuff that I never could in the real world, like riding a roller coaster while I´m perched on the outside of the cars. I tried to see how far I could fly by exploding a lot of dynamite under my arse, danced on the moon completely starkers, and jumped a racecar over the length of the Great Wall of China. And that was just for starters. 

Once I was tired of playing, we shagged for a good bit more before I actually felt like I could sit still enough to pose again. 

While I was lying on the grass, I actually got the bollocks to grill Viggo for some answers. Shit, some of my questions were downright rude, but I had to know. I´m still remembering the smile on his face when I asked them...

"Viggo, how in the fuck is everything you´re painting here appearing in the real world?"  Oh yeah, nice and polite there, you pillock. 

"It´s because I´m actually painting it there." 

"Huh?"  Oh, _that´s_ a brilliant reply, Bloom. Have a cookie. 

"When you´re dreaming in this house, the gap between where I exist and where you exist is weakened. But I can see into both worlds simultaneously. So, while you see me painting here, I´m actually painting in the real world," he says patiently. 

Well, that explains one thing. But where the fuck does he get the stuff to paint with? 

"So, uh, where is the paint coming from? You don´t use blood for the base, do you?" 

"I have some paints and supplies hidden in this house. Objects I´m closely tied to aren´t affected by the passage of time."  He looks amused. "Blood for paint?" 

Argh, why did you have to blurt that out? You might as well have asked him, "Don´t ghosts usually kill people instead of shagging them?" 

He then lets out a long belly laugh. Christ, he´s breathtaking when he´s happy like that. Shut up, gremlin. 

"Where did you get that idea?" 

"I heard that some poor lass spent the night here and you sucked her blood out and used it to add to your last picture." 

"Did anyone ever tell you her name?" 

Oh. No, they didn´t, which means that it´s an urban legend. Damn, now I feel like a git for falling for that one. "No." 

Viggo paints me for a bit more, and I´m too embarrassed to open my yap for oh, about another sixty seconds. 

"Viggo?" 

"Yes?" 

"Where did the molasses-shit atmosphere go?" 

He arches his eyebrow, "Molasses-shit? Angel, you need a refresher course in biology. Unless things have changed a lot since I died, molasses doesn´t produce waste products."  Fuck, Viggo, take me literally, why don´t you? Cunt. Oh, great, he´s laughing again. And despite what it looks like, I am _not_ pouting. Ignore the gremlin; do not pay attention to his sparkling eyes. 

"I mean whatever that daft stuff was that kept me from moving. I don´t feel it now." 

"I enter your dreams because your mind lets me. The more open you are to my presence up here," he says as he gently taps his forehead, "the easier it is for you to move." 

"So, if I completely decided that I didn´t want you in my head, I wouldn´t be here?" 

"That´s correct. You can lock me out of your brain. And I would be completely invisible to you." 

Well, that explains why only certain people see ghosts. If I hadn´t been stoned and drunk that first night, he probably wouldn´t have been able to visit me. 

Then we veer off into talking about ourselves again. I´m rapidly becoming comfortable around Viggo. He never judges me, and it´s really nice to hang around someone who won´t do that. A lot of people have far too many preconceived notions about me, which is why I´m pretty particular about whom I have as a mate. 

And other than the second time I visited him, he´s been steadfastly mentioning anything to do with the dreaded four-letter l-word or f-word. I enjoy his company immensely, and I really hate to leave him in the morning. 

"Orlando, pay attention!" 

Oh shit...right, I´m in class now. If I´m not thinking about some of the discussion I had with Viggo last night, I´m having a bloody hard time concentrating because I keep thinking about the world-class shagging I got last night. Sod it all, I´m not sure that I can go back to ordinary blokes. When you´re with someone who can do _anything_ to his world, real world sex just doesn´t cut it anymore. 

And the dirty Viggo fantasies have disappeared. Still haven´t figured out where they came from in the first place, but I don´t give a shit. The real thing is _so_ much more mind-blowing. 

I sort of pay half attention to the lecture and then I scarper out of there as fast as I can. As I go out the door, though, I see Robert waiting outside. "Hold it right there, Bloom. I haven´t talked to you for a few days, and you haven´t returned any of my calls." 

I haven´t? Oh bollocks, I haven´t. And the last time he saw me, I was in pretty sad shape. 

"Erm, sorry mate. Been busy." 

"Doing what, Orli? You were completely knackered on Friday." 

"Um, I don´t really want to talk about it."  I try to leave, but Robert´s grabbed a hold of my wrist. Shit. 

"Bollocks. We are going to lunch, and you are going to tell me." 

He hauls me off to a little hole-in-the wall Indian restaurant so we can talk. After the waiter takes our order, he says quietly, "All right, Bloom, spill. I tried to check on you Saturday evening, but you wouldn´t answer the phone. I figured that you had found a hot date, so I waited until Sunday to ring you again." 

"I´m sorry, I was in and out a lot." 

"You gave all of us quite a scare. If it weren´t for the landlady saying that she saw you on Sunday, we would´ve called the police." 

Okay, Orli. Time to put those acting lessons to use. "Sorry, man. I was completely asleep until Saturday evening, and then I remembered that I had an appointment to go to." 

"An appointment?" 

"Yeah, some nutters artist-type needed a model. I had an interview with him and he offered me the job." 

"That still doesn´t explain why you weren´t out on Saturday night." 

"Like I said, he´s nutters. Only wants me to work nights." 

Robert shakes his head. "So when do you sleep? You look pretty radiant for someone who´s started a new night job. And you can´t have been working that late. Not unless he´s some sort of psycho." 

Bugger...quick, think of an excuse, Orli. 

Robert is staring at me. "In fact, if I didn´t know any better, I´d say that you found a really nice piece of arse. You´ve got that completely smug look plastered across your face." 

Whew. Better play up on that. "Okay, you wanker, you found me out. I only pose for an hour in the evening, and then I spend my nights over at his place. He´s an incredible shag." 

"Really?" 

"Really. He´s got a body to die for, a very large prick, and he´s completely insatiable in bed. And, fuck me, he´s got a great imagination...he should open a school for some of the stuff we´ve done." 

"Care to spill on details?"  Shit. Normally I would, but I can´t really tell him that I shagged Viggo in the middle of a volcano last night, can I? 

"No, you wanker. Get your own hot artist and find out." 

He grins. "Already got one. Just remember to throw him our way when you get sick of him." 

"Sure," I say, faking a laugh. This is an old in-joke between us, but it´s kind of ticking me off now. No way am I going to get bored with Viggo anytime soon. I _like_ being able to do anything I fancy. And I am not being twee. This is just so new that I´m sure it´ll be a while before I tire of it. 

Shit, _how_ many hours will it be before nighttime? 

****

I appear in the field in his arms without a stitch of clothing on. Since I´m going to be naked for most of my time here, I decided last night to cut out the middleman. I see that Viggo approves, if that hungry look means what I think it does. 

I wrap my arms around his neck and press closer. "So," I purr in his ear, "what´s on the program tonight?" 

"Not in the mood to play in the dream world?"  he asks, those beautiful blue eyes taking my breath away and making my cock tingle. 

I trace my tongue along his ear, hearing his breath hitch. "No. I want to spend it with you and whatever your dirty little mind can come up with." 

"Then I think we should catch up on our astronomy."  What? 

The field suddenly fades and we´re tumbling in space among the stars, completely weightless. God, it´s beautiful out here. Viggo gives me a little push and I drift closer to them. 

The dream-stars are little glittery pins of light that flutter like tiny butterflies. I can´t resist reaching out and capturing one in my hand, and I grin madly as it sends a little sizzling tingle through me as I cup it in my palm. 

Viggo drifts up to me and opens my hand, letting the star flit out into space. It leaves a small trail of multi-colored light, and before I can reach out and touch it, he leans in to kiss my palm, touching his lips to the still-tingling area. 

Oh god, his mouth is so hot, almost burning. He starts slowly kissing his way up my forearm, each little kiss electrifying me down to my cells. As usual, my cock leaps immediately to attention. 

I spread my legs, hoping he´ll get the hint, but he continues his slow ascent up my arm. I see his clothes turn into a cascade of sparkles before they flow off his skin in a shower of flashing lights. Showoff. I want him to stop teasing me, so I start wriggling, and I almost squeak in surprise when we go tumbling into space. 

A soft mattress suddenly appears to stop us, and after we bump into it, he sets us upright. 

Viggo gives me a throaty laugh. "You´ll have to be careful. Every time you move suddenly, we´ll roll head over heels." 

Smug bastard. If he weren´t so sexy I´d give him a bollocking. "So how are we going to shag?" 

He laughs again as he positions his cock at my entrance. "Action and reaction. If I push one way, you´ll have to push back in the other direction."  His eyes glint dangerously.  "I want to see how long you can keep it up." 

Hmmm, a challenge. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. "As long as you can, old man." 

"Good." 

I lower myself onto his cock as he pushes upward, and we both hiss in pleasure. Oh god, I don´t think I´ll ever get tired of feeling him fill me. He starts stroking me slowly inside, and I fall into easy rhythm with him, matching him effortlessly. 

As always, every single nerve from the roots of my scalp down to my toes lights up as he lazily thrusts into me. I´m tempted to quicken the pace, but it´ll send us tumbling, and being with Viggo has taught me to slow down. He pulls out as far as he can before he slides back into me, making me lose track of everything bit by bit with each fluid stroke. 

We stay locked together for what seems like ages, floating slowly in mid-air, languidly pushing against each other until I feel like I´m going to burst. 

He continues to draw it out until the barest whisper of his lips against my skin makes me shudder. I start whimpering, and he changes his angle so that he´s hitting my sweet spot. My cries increase, and he continues his slow, steady pace, not letting up until I come with a soft moan, shuddering as I spill hot liquid across my stomach. Viggo´s not far behind me, and he thrusts hard into me twice before groaning out loud as his orgasm washes over him. 

His last thrusts sent us tumbling again, and I laugh giddily. Sex with Viggo is addicting, whether hard and fast or gentle and slow, and I just feel so alive afterwards. 

He eventually puts us back on the field and I say. "You bastard, forcing me to go slowly." 

He kisses me gently on the lips. "I didn´t hear a complaint from you, angel." 

I grin cheekily at him. "I wasn´t complaining. I was just commenting."  I wrap my arms smoothly around him and purr, "Let me pick the place for round two." 

Viggo smiles and kisses me again. "Your wish is my command." 

***

Morning breaks too soon for my taste, but I do have real world obligations. I get back to my flat and do my usual morning routine before I rush off to class. 

Today, we´re doing an interesting exercise. We have to put a new spin on some classic old characters, and we have props available to help us. I picked Robin Hood, and it looks like I´m first. 

I pick up the prop bow from the table, and my vision starts swimming...when it clears, I see what looks like Viggo, but it´s really hard to focus on precise details. I somehow know it´s him, but I can´t say why. And he´s a real person, not a ghost. 

I try to look down, but somehow I can´t, like I´m looking through a telly screen. Ooookay, try the peripheral vision. Waitaminute, that´s my hand, and I´m holding a bow and arrow. Looks like I´m posed to shoot something. 

He´s photographing me. And I´m wearing some sort of costume, but I can´t make out details. 

I hear a voice saying, "You should really get out more, Viggo."  Crap! That´s my voice! And I feel...different. Like I want to leap around for no reason, like everything around me is just sodding _fantastic_. What in the fuck? 

Viggo says, "I see no reason to. I´m fine here." 

"That´s what you think. When was the last time you got out and painted the town red?" 

"Orlando! Will you please stop talking? I don´t know why I agreed to do this." 

Hmm, I feel mischievous all of a sudden. "It was your idea to take pictures of me, old man. Tell you what, I´ll keep my mouth shut if you let me take you to dinner and out to a club for a night." 

"No." 

I feel myself putting it down. ´Bout time, I was getting a bloody cramp from that bow. "Then you´ll have to find another model." 

I hear a grunt. "All right, Orlando. God only knows why I indulge your whims." 

"It´s because I´m irresistible." 

He snorts and I laugh. 

"Earth to Orli! It´s your turn. Unless your interpretation of Robin Hood is that he´s catatonic," I hear Catherine´s voice saying. 

Wha? Bollocks, what was _that_ all about? I´m back in the classroom now, but I swear that it seemed like I was somewhere else during my little fade-out. 

"Shut up, Catherine, I was trying to get into character."  Shit, hope this isn´t going to be a regular thing. At least this isn´t as bad as the nightmare. 

Anyway, I´m able to concentrate and give my performance of a tortured and conflicted Robin Hood. I get some high marks and applause from everyone, even from Catherine. Hmm, I should definitely keep shagging Viggo, it´s doing wonders for my acting. 

Anyway, things progress like this for a few months. I spend my nights over at Viggo´s, have my fun and get shagged senseless, then I pose for a bit. Emphasis on the "bit". I´m sure any other artist would´ve been done by now, but after my little indulgences, we spend so much time shagging and talking that Viggo never gets to add much. And frankly, I don´t give a toss. 

I was afraid of getting teased by my mates, but they haven´t said a word. In fact, they seem happy for me. 

And I actually find myself opening up to Viggo. I wind up telling him lots of personal stuff that I just never had the courage to talk about before. He just exudes patience and understanding, so I don´t feel like I´m just whinging. Besides, he didn´t make fun of me during the time when I was scared shitless. If he can be supportive after that little display, then I know I can trust him to actually listen to my other worries. And dare I say it, I´m actually growing fond of him. No, not the dreaded l-word, but I do enjoy his company immensely. 

Unfortunately, the weird fade-outs continue to bug me during the daytime, and they´re getting more intense. I´m not sure what they mean, but two things are constant: they´re always from a first person perspective, and they always involve Viggo and myself. 

I´ve seen us slow dancing at a nightclub. I´ve seen us walking together on the beach. I´ve seen us kissing each other on a field, and shagging each other...And every single time, the details were fuzzy. All I know for sure was that Viggo was real, and that I was always a happy, bouncy Orli around him. Christ, am I having those visions that he was talking about? 

I really don´t know what´s going on, so I just let them be. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable about talking to Viggo about them. 

On the day before my birthday, my routine came to a screeching halt. 

I was sitting in class, going over another play. The main character grows increasingly psychotic, but what gets my attention is this bit from Neal: "Now, I know some of you will have trouble getting into the mindset of someone who´s paranoid, so I have a method exercise that you can do. Try to stay up for a few days. If you have gone without sleep long enough, you´ll not only hallucinate extensively, but you´ll become paranoid. And the interesting thing about paranoia is that you fully believe that people are really out to kill you, no matter how irrational it may seem." 

Shit. 

That night when I found refuge at Viggo´s. Now I see it clearly. I was hallucinating. I was hallucinating the blood, hell, I might have even hallucinated the people. And even if I didn´t, my paranoia at the time probably convinced me that they were out to get me. Come to think of it, the dirty Viggo fantasies stopped completely once he started shagging me. And then there was my weird behavior in the gents: that didn´t happen until after I let Viggo stick his tongue in my mouth. And shit, the nightmares didn´t start until after I first visited him. Bugger! The arsehole _was_ fucking with my mind. 

After class, I find Edward as soon as possible, and drag him over to my flat so that I can grill him. 

"Edward, don´t take the piss, man, but I have to ask you some questions about ghosts. Please, believe me when I say that it´s important." 

He looks like he´s about to be a smart arse, but I guess I look desperate, because he just says, "Shoot, Orli." 

"Can they screw with your mind? Like, can you get thoughts that are not your own?" 

"Well, yeah. But that requires that they get in really close contact with you first." 

"How close?" 

"Well, they have to touch you somehow. The longer the contact, the more of a hold they can get on you." 

Sod it all. That long, cold kiss Viggo gave me. Must´ve given him easy access to my head. 

I must´ve looked liverish, because Edward looks uncomfortable and begins looking about my flat. He spots the pendant with the yellow stone that Viggo gave me on top of my dresser, and he picks it up. 

"Orli, is this a gift?" 

"Yeah, man. From that artist I´m seeing." 

"Well, he must be sotted with you, because it´s set with an Orlando stone." 

What? How did Viggo know? The entire time I´ve been with him, he´s never called me by name. It´s always been "angel". 

I blink, and suddenly the Orlando stone seems awfully familiar. I start seeing flashes again...I see Viggo fastening it around my neck...And then the room fades away as I´m assaulted by images. I´m falling again... someone´s looking at me as I fall...I feel myself hit the ground and I hear a sickening crunch as the bones in my back shatter...blood everywhere, I´m drowning in pain... things go black...I see my bloody hand holding up the stone... and then another pair of hands takes it. 

"Orli?"  I can see Edward talking to me, but I´m having trouble focusing on him. 

And then another image hits me. I see Viggo´s hands taking the Orlando stone from me. And suddenly, I know that it was Viggo´s face looking down at me as I fell. 

****

Shit. Shitshitshit. I know I´m being incredibly daft beyond all measure, but if he´s going to kill me, there´s nothing I can do about it. And I need answers. 

"Viggo! Goddamnit, where are you?" 

I feel a warm touch against my face. Oh yeah, right, Mr. I-Can´t-Turn-This-Twatting-Cold-Off-Bollocks. Another lie. Arsehole. 

/Angel? What´s wrong? You´re early./

"Tell me something new. We need to talk, now!" 

/All right. Sleep.../

For once, the twee gremlin is not bothering me. Viggo looks really puzzled. 

"What´s wrong, angel?" 

"I want to know why you´re fucking with my head!" 

"I have no idea about what you´re talking about." 

"Bugger off! You caused the nightmares, didn´t you?" 

"No, I didn´t."  Fucking liar. 

"Tell me a new one. There was no one trying to kill me, was there?" 

"You called for help, and there were two people on the property, coming toward the house, so I scared them off." 

Shit, they were probably teenagers out on a lark. Fuck, what a mess...

"You arsehole. After I met you, I couldn´t even think of shagging anyone else without it bugging me, and I had sodding dirty fantasies about you night and day."  Good, keep it up, Orlando. "Who else could do that to me? You probably did this all so I would walk right into your sodding ghostly hands. So that you could kill me." 

"What?"  Bollocks, he´s good at faking surprise. 

"You heard me. Does this sound familiar? ´I saw it in a vision.´"

"Excuse me?" 

"I´ve been having fucking visions of us together in the future. And then you killed me. I saw your face before I fell to my death. And I thought that I could fucking trust you. That´s a laugh." 

"Orlando, that´s enough."  Shit, he´s actually starting to get brassed off now, but I´m not going to give in. I´m too narked. 

"Oh, _now_ you finally use my name, because your ´angel´ has seen through you. Well, fuck you, Viggo. If you want to kill me, do it now. Better than getting my back broken. And take this back," I say, throwing the Orlando stone at him. 

"Orlando, shut the fuck up! If you want answers, I´ll give you answers." 

"Then give!" 

He gestures towards my portrait, "I started this painting before I died 20 years ago. It´s of a man who loved me, but who I couldn´t bring myself to admit that I loved back." 

"B-b-but that´s me, isn´t it?" 

"His name was Orlando Worthington. I originally hired him as a model for Paris."  He pauses for a bit and his eyes soften. "He fell in love with me, and I was too stupid to admit it back before I lost him." 

I suddenly feel cold. "Lost him?" 

Viggo holds up the pendant, "I gave this to him, and it became his favorite piece of jewelry."  He sighs. "He broke his back and died, on January 13th, 1977 at 9 in the evening. He was 21." 

"But that´s..." I can´t finish the sentence. I was born a little after 9pm. And that would mean... 

As if he´s reading my mind, Viggo says, "Yes. You´re my Orlando´s reincarnation." 

Shit. This is not happening. I repeat, this is _not_ happening. 

But then the images from my fade-outs come rushing back... and I can see them clearly now. Fuck, they´re not images, they´re memories. 

I am introducing myself to Viggo and I immediately fall in love as I shake his hand. I know that this man is the one. The one to complete me. He´s wearing clothes from the ´70s, and his eyes have a cold glint, like he´s been hurt badly by someone. 

I see myself donning the Paris costume and posing with the bow. After I get to know him better, I persuade him to have dinner with me, and he drops some of that glum demeanor. More dinners...more chatting while I´m posing, and I eventually get him to open up. He had been unlucky in relationships before, but he was sure that his wife was his truest love. And she burned him. Left him for his best friend. He never recovered after that. Freezing his heart so no one could reach him. 

Memories cascade down...we´re spending more time together... becoming friends...and I can see that he feels the tension, the unresolved attraction between us. I try to focus on the events fast forwarding past me, and I manage to pick one out. It falters, then plays at normal speed...we´re slow dancing at a nightclub, now. 

"Isn´t this better, old man?" 

"Not really..." Shit, I know that this is an act Viggo´s putting on, and I want to thaw him. 

"Come on, let´s get out of here," I hear myself say as I drag him outside. 

I take us walking out on a moonlit beach. It´s breathtaking. 

"Viggo, do you believe in fate?" 

"I can´t say I do, Orlando." 

"Well, I do. And I know we´re meant to be together." 

"That´s preposterous." 

"Can´t you believe? Can´t you let yourself go?"  I say as I lean in and capture his lips...God, his kiss is so sweet. It´s the perfect moment... 

Fast forward now, and I see us spending time together. Shagging. Laughing. But Viggo´s too bitter, too unwilling to open up completely. I see him giving me the Orlando stone...but no matter what I try, he won´t let me in to his heart...

The memories are slowing down...it´s raining out...and now I see us arguing...

"Orlando, I can´t love you..."

"Why not?" 

"I just can´t. I´m not the type to form permanent attachments anymore. Besides, I´m nineteen years older than you, and we´re the same sex. We don´t have a chance." 

"Bollocks! None of that matters! We´re soulmates, Viggo, I can feel it!" 

"I´m sorry, Orlando."  As he says these words, I feel my heart tearing in two. 

"How can you say that you don´t care about the two of us? That you don´t care about me? Am I just your rentboy? Is that all I am, just a great shag?" 

"Orlando, it´s not like that..." I look into his eyes, and I see the true answer: he can never allow himself to return my love. I feel myself shattering inside. 

"Just sod off and leave me alone, Viggo. I´m sorry that we ever met." 

"Orlando!" 

I leave, storming out angrily into the rain. I know that a friend of mine is throwing a party tonight, so I go there to get drunk and high on everything and anything I can get my hands on. Just when I think I´ve just started to dull the pain, I see Viggo. 

Oh fuck, he´s tracked me down. I stumble away from him, onto the balcony. 

"Orlando, stop this right now." 

"S-shod off, Vig."  God, I´m so monged and fucked up that I can´t tell which way is up. 

"Orlando, come back and we´ll talk." 

"´ready did that."  I pull the pendant off my neck. "And take thish bloody thing back." 

"Orlando, please."  And he grabs my arm. 

"I shyaid, ´Sod off!´" I wrench backwards and crash against the railing. It gives away under my weight, and I tumble with it. Oh shit, I´m falling. Viggo leans over the edge, and I see the panic in his face as he tries to unsuccessfully catch me. 

"Orlando, noooo!" 

Just as I dreamed, I hear the sickening crunch as I hit the ground, feel the blood filling my lungs, and the overwhelming pain. I struggle to stay conscious, and after what seems like an eternity, Viggo appears at my side. 

"Orlando, please don´t die, angel." 

I cough up blood. "Too late now, Viggo."  I hold up the pendant in my bloody hand. Tears are filling Viggo´s eyes as he takes it. "Give this to the lucky person who...can make you love again..." I have another painful fit of coughing. 

"Orlando, no, please come back, I..." I hear him say before the world starts getting smaller and turns black. I remember silently screaming when his last words to me got cut off. And I died still loving him. 

I then remember wishing with all of my heart and soul for a second chance. For another crack at making this right. And beyond all odds, it looks like I got it. At a price. 

The hurt Viggo inflicted ran so deep that I carried it over into this life. It colored all of my attitudes, making me bitter, cynical, and allergic to the concept of love. 

Until I found him in this house. Then my memories about him and my feelings for him tried to break through. All of the weird visions: the fade-outs, the nightmares, they were just flashbacks. 

"You remember," he says. 

"Yes..." I feel sick inside. 

As I´m still reeling, Viggo says, "I spent the next year in a haze. I was completely directionless. Then, I had a dream of you posing for me in a field. Even though there was nothing like it nearby, I knew that the field was somehow connected with this house."  He pauses and gestures towards my portrait. "I started receiving the dreams nightly, and they were so clear that I was able to paint you from memory. And then the fire occurred." 

"How the hell do you know that I´m your Orlando´s reincarnation?" 

"You´re his spitting image. He lost his father when he was 4. He dropped out of school to pursue a drama career at 16. He had one sister who was two years older than he was. But even before we talked about your past, I knew as soon as I looked into your eyes." 

And he still hasn´t said that he loves me. Shit, now I´m really brassed off. "Sod it all, Viggo, you´re using me to assuage your guilt." 

"Orlando..."

"No! You feel guilty that you caused my death, and now you´re trying to make up for it. Taking me in, listening to whatever rot I had to say, being the only one I ever bottomed to. You don´t care about any of it. And you still don´t care about me. You just wanted a great shag." 

"Orlando, it´s not like that..."

"Fuck you! Fuck all of this! This is a sham!"  Shit, I need to leave, but how do I get out? Wait, I remember...I concentrate as hard as possible on how ticked off I am, how I absolutely don´t want Viggo around...Score! I feel that familiar fading away feeling and the dream world is rapidly going black. 

"Orlando, please! What are you doing?" 

"Locking you out." 

"You can´t do this, I love you!"  I hear him whispering faintly before I´m back in the real world. Oh, _now_ he says it. Fucking cheap trick. 

"No, you don´t. Just sod off and leave me alone, Viggo. I´m sorry that we ever met."  I say to the air before I stalk out. I don´t hear a reply. Guess we never learned. History repeated itself, almost word for word. What a fucking waste of time. 

****

You know, my birthday shouldn´t be so grim, but it is. I´m fairly depressed about the whole thing with Viggo. How could he do this to me? Oh yeah, and that reincarnation business, too. Gah, do the years from my previous life add to this one? Am I effectively 42? God, I hope not. 

My mates and I are having lunch at Edward´s house. I hear Edward cursing as he joins us at the table. 

"What´s up, mate?" 

"The sodding door on the roof terrace is warped. I can´t get it open." 

I look up. "That´s because you´re being daft, mate. I could open it easily from the outside." 

"How? There´s not a lot of room up there." 

"I´ll just kick it, it´ll be a doddle." 

There´s a drain pipe a couple of meters away and I shimmy up it smoothly. Fucking Viggo...bollocks, don´t think about Viggo, you twat. Just get the job done. 

Where´s a foothold? Ah, a piece of gutter. I put one foot on it. Seems solid enough. I step onto it fully...Viggo, you fucking bastard...wait, what´s that sound? Oh Shit! The gutter is collapsing. FUCK FUCK FUCK! And I´m falling, just as I did in my previous life. And my stomach sinks as I realize something else: I died on my 21st birthday the first time. And now I´m going to do it again. 

-----
end part 6

chapter 5
chapter 7
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