Author: Lostiawen

E-mail: changeling@planetx.org

Rated: NC-17

Pairing: VM/OB

Summary: Orli tries to sort things out. 

Archive: Please ask.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Warnings: AU, romance, sap, some angst, creepiness. 

BIG HONKING WARNING : This chapter contains imagery that might be very disturbing and violent for some people.  You have been warned. 

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, none of this really happened.  The author is not associated with or is implying anything about the sexual preferences or the lives of the people depicted within. 

Author´s Notes: Dedicated to those who have lost a loved one. 

Thanks to Linda, whose chatty Orli in "Pure Love" and "Infinite Love" was such an inspiration for my Orli. 

And thanks to Elizabeth for acting as my sounding board for this part! *mwah*

The "Catherine" I mention here is in no way associated with Kate Bosworth.  I just needed a common name, and that´s what popped into my head. 

Posted June 1, 2003

I can´t explain my behavior yesterday, and today isn´t much better. I´m rapidly becoming obsessed with Viggo. He´s filling all of my thoughts. 

I keep fantasizing about him constantly. I fantasize in class, I fantasize while I´m in the bath...hell, I even fantasize about him while I´m waiting in an otherwise boring queue. 

The more I try _not_ to fantasize about him, the dirtier the fantasies get when they come back, usually at the most embarrassing times. 

So, I´ve finally given up and I just let them fill my mind. Unfortunately, I don´t have much in the way of loose trousers in my wardrobe, so I´ve been trying to keep the embarrassing stiffies down by wanking. Which means that I´ve had to do it an awful lot lately, much more than when I was in my teens. I don´t know if this is a good or a bad thing, but I think I´ve just taken the gold medal for jerking off. My poor cock has probably developed calluses by now. 

Maybe I should ask it how it´s holding up, but I have a feeling the answer will be "Sod off and use lube next time." 

Wish I could tell my brain to go bugger itself. It´s decided that all of my fantasies should have me bottoming. I _never_ bottom. No way am I losing control and letting myself be that vulnerable with another person. God, am I sick or something? Nope, no fever. Mad cow disease? Hmm, no. The last burger I touched was well before the first herds had ever been infected. Bubonic plague? Christ, now you´re reaching, Bloom. 

I also feel like total shit because I couldn´t get much sleep last night. I woke up in a cold sweat, with my heart hammering. I don´t know what it was I dreamed, but I do know that it was something horrible. 

At least Viggo didn´t pay me another visit. Guess I actually have to be at his house for it to work. 

Shit, speaking of which, did Viggo do something to my mind? He was able to make me sleep...but then he said that he needed to be in close contact to do it. Of course, that´s assuming I should trust him in the first place. I´m still disturbed by the unOrlando-ish twee thoughts I keep getting when I´m around him. He must be fucking with my head in order for me to think that way, and I´m not convinced that these sodding fantasies aren´t his fault. And then there was that little incident with John...

On the other hand, if he really wants to screw with my brain, he should make me come back to him. I haven´t felt any strong compulsion to go back to the house, so maybe he isn´t doing anything. Unless that´s what he wants me to think...

Christ, I am staying _away_ from that house until I figure out what the fuck is going on. 

************
Well, so far, this has been a charmer of a week. It´s Tuesday, 2 days since I last saw Viggo, and I´ve only probably gotten about 6 hours of sleep. Not even having a joint has relaxed me enough. My dreams woke me up again. 

Christ. No nightmare has ever kept me from falling back asleep. What the hell is happening? 

"Orlando! Pay attention!" 

Bugger, mind´s wandering again. I just fluffed my line. Concentrate, Orlando. You don´t want Neal, your teacher, to get his knickers in a twist. Why, oh why, did he insist that our exercise for today would be to act out a random scene from the play we´ve been studying? Yes, I know, it doesn´t sound too bad, but my classmates get to pick the scene, and I don´t get to pick my partner. We have to draw lots to see who we´re working with. 

And of course, I got stuck with Catherine. She hates my guts because her boyfriend dumped her and then slept with me a week later. She somehow thinks it´s all my fault, even thought it´s well known that I never involve myself with anyone. 

My classmates decided to pick the sex scene, knowing _exactly_ how uncomfortable this would make the two of us. Sadists. 

And Neal´s a big believer in Method acting, so he insisted we both take off our shirts and sit on a mattress he borrowed from the props department. After all, we can´t really do anything convincing if we´re clothed. I´m sure everyone took that into account, too. Bloody wankers. Well, never let it be said that I don´t suffer for my art. 

"Orlando!" 

Right, I have a line. Gotta be Seductive Orli now. Catherine´s doing her hesitation thing, because her character´s still unsure as to whether or not we should shag each other, and I have to convince her that this is right. 

"Elanor, believe me, you´re all I could ever want."  Huh, wish I could figure out what was up with the nightmares...

"That´s a really nice delivery, Orli. Could you make it any more unconvincing?"  she says dryly, low enough so that Neal can´t hear her. 

"It´s not like I´ve got a great source of inspiration in front of me," I whisper back. 

Score. Two points for Orlando Bloom. She´s furious, and she looks like she´s going to punch me. 

"Catherine! Orlando! Your scene." 

Okay, focus. I try to look at her smolderingly as she does her lines. Ugh, okay, put the script down and start snogging her...well, try to act, Bloom...don´t think about your problems... Christ, why can´t I have a nice, dirty, Viggo fantasy right now? 

"Orlando, Could you make an attempt to look passionate? At least close your eyes," Neal says. Shit, guess that was a pretty sad excuse for a kiss. *slap* Come on, Orli, focus. 

Catherine whispers, "Too used to sucking things instead of kissing them, Orli?"  She should talk. I heard some very nasty stories about her from her ex. 

Before I can give her a proper comeback, Neal says, "All right. Try kissing her again, Orlando. And put some feeling into it. Pretend that she´s someone that you really lust after." 

Right...close eyes...think of Viggo. Okay, much better...press lips together...think of his firm lips and not these kind of dead-fish lips against mine...ugh, and Viggo wouldn´t wear enough perfume to kill a horse...crap, why does lipstick have to taste so bad?...well, don´t think about it...oh Christ, I have to stick my tongue in her mouth now...can´t we just fake it?...no, Neal won´t think it´ll look convincing unless we actually do it...ugh...well, Bloom, you´ve done worse...think about something scabby to distract you...like the time someone dared you to lick a frog and you took him up on it...well, that makes pushing my tongue against hers at least bearable...shit, she had bangers and mash for lunch...disgusting...I feel like rolling my tongue up and taking it out to get dry cleaned... okay, now we fall back onto the "bed"...ugh, now I´ve got to clutch her to me and roll the two of us over...god, if I do that, I´ll pick up her perfume and smell like a cheap tart... Christ, the things I have to do...well, here goes..."Ouch!"  Oi! That hurt. 

"Sorry, Orli," she says innocently. "I didn´t mean to jab you in the balls." 

Sure you didn´t. Bitch. 

"All right, that´s enough for today, people," Neal yells. 

I jump off the mattress like it´s full of lice and get dressed. Damn, wish Viggo were here with me. Love to have him pin me to the mattress while he fills me with his big cock...

"I don´t really appreciate the compliment, but I guess I was the lucky lass who changed your mind," Catherine says. 

Huh, wha? Oh, sod it all, I´ve got a massive hard-on and I´m wearing tight jeans today. Fucking bollocks! _Now_ I get the dirty Viggo fantasy. My brain needs a massive spanking and a good talking to. 

Shit, I think I´ve turned a shade of red that doesn´t exist yet. Guess I get to name it. Hot, Bothered, and Hung Orli Red? Bloomin´ Git Crimson? 

My classmates have just noticed the bulge in my jeans, and they´re snickering. Someone kill me now. No, really. Just take a knife and stab me dead or something. I don´t think I´ll ever live this down. Please? Nope. No luck, of course. 

"So, do you fancy me now?"  Catherine says, batting her eyelashes. "Although I do prefer lads whose little black books don´t read like the telephone directory." 

Pot. Kettle. Black. Her ex dumped her because she cheated on him. And this wasn´t the first bloke she did it to. In fact, the joke making the rounds at Guildhall is that Catherine can only shag other people´s boyfriends. And although she protests otherwise, she´s quite indiscriminate. At least I´m honest about not wanting any attachments. 

"If I ever go straight, it won´t be with a slag who thinks that the Kama Sutra is an Indian restaurant," I bite back at her. Okay, she´s brassed off. Serves her right. 

"Break it up, you two," Neal says. We look sheepishly at him and mutter our apologies. 

I finish throwing my shirt on and I rush back to my flat. God, they´re going to take the piss for days about my little display. I need some time alone. 

I take a cautious sniff as I pull my shirt off. I was right, I now reek of eau de putain. I´m going to need at least two washings before this crap will come off. And I need to brush my teeth to get that residue of meat and gravy out. 

Hmm, hot bath sounds good. Something relaxing... 

I turn on the taps and jump in once the water´s at a good level. Aaaah, much better...tension´s leaving...mmmm...feels good to rub soap on my chest...wish Viggo were here to do this...getting me all nice and lathered and slippery... he´d probably open me up with his fingers first...

I grab some of the silicone-based lube that I have sitting on the corner of the tub and pour some onto my hands. I work a finger in slowly...ah, yes, just like that. Oh god, feels good to brush my sweet spot...I slide in two more fingers while I use my right hand to wank myself. Mmmm, so good...Viggo would be merciless at this point...he´d wriggle his fingers around until I begged him to shag me...yeah, then he´d bend me over the side of the tub and plunge his magnificent cock into me, fucking me until I screamed. Oh...yes, just like that...ohhhh, Viggo. VIGGO! 

Christ. I feel wobbly now. Maybe _now_ I´ll have a good sleep. Mmm, and I smell like myself again. Life is good. 

I dry off, do a quick brush of the teeth, and everything´s back to normal. Ah, the day´s looking up now. 

Just as I´m thinking of jumping into bed, the phone rings. Shit, guess I should answer it...

"Hullo?" 

"Orli! Robert here! Thought you´d like to go motorbiking this afternoon."  Fuck, does he remember me acting odd on Sunday morning? I´m really not in the mood to deal with any more needling. Better beg off this time. 

"Sorry, man. I´m completely knackered." 

"Since when has that stopped you, you mad bastard? We can knock some pints down afterward, and it´ll be my treat."  Bollocks. I can´t turn down free beer. Well, let´s see if he remembers anything...

"Christ, you still owe me for the bet, you twat. And so does everyone else. I knew I should have collected when I dropped by your flat." 

"We´ll pay up Saturday night. So, are you in or out?"  Fantastic! He completely forgot about it. Of course, he _was_ pretty hung over. 

"In." 

"Thought so," he says. 

"Where are we going?" 

"The usual spot." 

I smile. We found a perfect area with a lot of open countryside a while ago, near the outskirts of London. 

"See you in a bit," I say as I hang up. 

I throw on some jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and grab my heavy jacket and helmet. I´m probably being daft, but I need this. Sleep´s overrated, anyway. 

***

Robert gives me two fingers as I tear past him. I laugh as I gun my bike up a steep hill. It´s a bit dodgy here, but I don´t care. I just love jumping over the hills at mad speeds, getting that adrenalin rush as I fly through the air. Aaahh...I´m completely buzzed. No worries about class, about the nightmares, or about Viggo. 

Viggo...he´d probably be narked that I´m doing this, because he seems to be the calm type. Wonder if my antics would make him angry? Angry enough to make him throw me onto the ground and pin my arms above my head? Angry enough so that he would kiss me until my lips were bruised? Would he fuck my mouth to punish me? Hmmm...oh shit! Just hit a slippery patch on the ground. Shit...starting to tip...fuckfuckfuck...Christ, got it straightened out, but just barely. 

Robert pulls up next to me and flips up his visor. I do the same. "You alright, Orli?" 

"Yeah, man, I´m golden. Sorry, my mind´s been wandering a lot lately." 

He claps his hand on my arm. "It sounds like it´s time to hit the pub." 

We bike back to London, and knock back quite a few at the pub. I´m nicely pissed by the time I stumble back to my flat. I strip and flop onto my bed. Now maybe I´ll sleep...mmm...drifting...

Unfortunately, I have the nightmare again. Even though I can´t remember it, I get the feeling that I´ve been having the same one for the past few days. Shit, I´m shaking. There´s no way I can go back to sleep. Bugger, I´ve only been out for a couple of hours. 

Fuck, what do I do now? I could read, but I´m too edgy to sit properly. Shit, I could use another good hardcore fantasy of Viggo to distract me right now. Come on brain, produce one? Please? Fine, hold out on me, you twatting bastard. See if I feel guilty the next time I kill millions of your cells on my next drinking binge. 

Viggo...shit, I still have unanswered questions about him. How did he become a ghost? Fuck, wish I had done more than watch the occasional horror movie. My ghost knowledge is pretty shoddy. 

Wait, I remember that Edward was rabbitting on about ghosts last Saturday at the pub, and that´s why we started talking about Viggo´s house. Of course, I told him that he was talking out of his arse. Christ, what did he say? Think, Orli. 

Shit, I can´t remember. It´s not too late in the night to ring him, but how do I get the information I need without letting him know about Viggo? He´ll really take the piss if I actually admit that ghosts exist. Hmm, if I can somehow steer him onto the subject of ghosts, he´ll yabber on for hours once he´s certain that he´s got a captive audience. But how do I do it? Fuck. Think, Orlando. No other ideas? Well, there´s no way around it, Bloom, pick up the phone and dial his number. 

"Hullo?" 

"Edward? It´s Orli." 

"What´s up? Other than embarrassing yourself in class?" 

"Sod off, you cunt."  Bugger, I forgot that one of his mates shares that class with me. Now he´s going to needle me for hours. How do I steer the conversation over to ghosts? Oh wait, I have it..."That´s a fine way to talk, you bastard, you owe me." 

"So, how did it go, Orli? Did the ghost come after you?"  Good, hooked him in...

"No, man. Spending the night at that house was a complete doddle." 

"Are you sure there was nothing there?"  Edward sounds a bit disappointed. Figures, ghosts and the supernatural have always fascinated him. Never thought I´d actually be encouraging it. 

"Well, man, it was amazingly creepy. And I might have heard something odd. Why?" 

"From what I hear about the bloke who died, he seemed like prime ghost material." 

Score! "Uh, why do you say that?" 

"Well, ghosts are basically souls who can´t go on to the afterlife because something drives them to stay here," he answers. 

"Really?"  I say, trying to sound as casual as possible. Quick, grab a pen and jot this down, Orli. 

"Yes, you wanker. For instance, one way a ghost can get formed is if a person dies and the poor sod doesn´t get interred correctly. The soul becomes restless and wanders around until its remains are given a proper burial." 

"Uh huh."  Come on, Edward, keep going. 

"And you know what else?" 

"What?"  Score again! I can tell by the sound of his voice that the floodgates are now open. 

"A ghost can also get created when someone is murdered: it stays in this world until it fulfills its need for vengeance. And sometimes, a person comes back as a ghost because they have some sort of unfinished task holding them here. Once it´s done, they go on to the afterlife." 

Edward then starts going on about other stuff; I try to write some of it down and pay attention, but he´s throwing out terminology that I´ve never heard of. I occasionally mutter something to keep him going, trying to pick out the bits that don´t sound like gibberish. 

"...and some ghosts can affect people in the real world through their dreams..."

Note that one down, Orlando. Hmm, didn´t something similar happen in "Nightmare on Elm Street"? I think I prefer my ghost, though, _much_ sexier and he gives handjobs to die for. Shit, I know what you´re going to think next, Bloom, just _don´t_ go there. 

Eventually, Edward notices that it´s getting late and he stops. We say our goodbyes and hang up. Shit, my head feels like it´s going to explode because it´s stuffed full of too much information, like Keanu Reeves´ character in that awful movie from a few years ago. God, what was the name of it? 

The only line I even remember is Keanu shouting, "I want a ten thousand dollar-a-night hooker!"  Hmm, wonder if the rentboy I played could get that much? Maybe I could re-enact that role for Viggo? I could proposition him, and do a sexy lip lick to reel him in. Wonder what he would ask for...Bugger! *slap* I need to ignore my own advice for now, and concentrate on something other than fantasies about Viggo. 

Okay, let´s look over the list...Viggo doesn´t seem to be the violent type, so vengeance goes out the window. Hmmm, maybe he wasn´t buried properly? That doesn´t make much sense. The house wasn´t completely destroyed in the fire, so he probably left a corpse. 

That leaves the unfinished task. Hmm, Viggo did mention that he was bound to the house until his fondest wish was fulfilled. Can´t think of what that would be...shit, you thick bastard. The painting. He can´t rest until he finishes the painting of me. 

Fuck, now what? I really can´t leave him to wander around the house forever. But on the other hand, I´m still not sure if coming in contact with him is healthy for me. 

Either way, I´m busy with classes, so I´ll think it over and figure something out by Saturday. 

Unfortunately, the rest of the week goes by in a haze, because I haven´t been able to sleep at all. Every time I try to rest, the nightmare returns, and I get so wound up from it that I can´t go back to bed. I slog through each day, keeping myself going through sheer bullheadedness. 

It´s Friday night now, and my mates want to hit the clubs. Robert has come by to fetch me, but I can barely focus on him. Fuck. I need sleep. Badly. 

"Christ, I can´t go. Just leave me here," I say to him. 

"Orli, are you ill? This is the highlight of your week. There are some very shaggable men waiting for you," Robert says. 

"Bugger off. Go without me." 

"On the other hand, you do look like complete shit."  Wanker. Typical Robert response. God...the walls seem very, very far away right now. 

"Orli? Orli, I asked you a question."  Hmm, wha? 

Robert looks concerned. "Christ, you´re out on your feet. Come on, let´s get you to bed."  Why is he pushing me towards the bedroom? Right...I need sleep...fuck, I can undress myself, can´t I? No...I can´t. God... so tired. Ah, lying on the bed now, much better. 

"Try to get some rest, mate," Robert says as he leaves. 

Wish I could...drifting again...

It´s dark now. Darkness around me, surrounding me, choking off my senses, then I feel pain, feel the bones in my back shattering...pain shooting through my body...I´m strangling on my own blood...filling my mouth...can´t breathe, hurts... can´t move...No, pain everywhere, daggers through my body.. fuckithurts...

"NO!" 

Shit! Another nightmare. And this time I remember, just all too vividly. Oh, Christ, I´m shaking and my heart feels like it´s going to thump out of my chest. I need to take a walk, clear my head. 

God, I can still smell the blood...and my head is still fuzzy. In fact, I think I just made it worse. I´m still groggy from not enough sleep and the nightmare...so tired...which makes the blood seem that more real...no, don´t think about it. 

As I walk on the pavement, I think I see a dog in pain. Poor thing´s writhing in agony, but it´s not making a sound. That´s odd. I try to get closer, but it disappears from sight. What the fuck? 

Huh, I´m near Viggo´s house. Didn´t know that I had wandered here. Oh god, blood is dripping down from the moon. I can see each drop forming, glistening perfectly as it hangs there... shit, no! Stop it! 

God, I feel so out of it. I don´t quite feel like I´m here... wait, what´s that? 

Oh, bollocks. Looks like a few drunks are following me. And they´re bigger than I am. The blood, blood is flowing everywhere...they´ll make it flow...Bugger! Stop that and try to get away! 

I cross the street, trying not to look nervously over my shoulder. Please, please leave me alone...Fuck! They´re following me and keeping up. They´ll kick my arse and my bones will crack, and the pain won´t end, blood will be dripping from their hands...no, fuck, there´s no place to go...no place to run...wait, I could try to lose them in Viggo´s house. Fuckfuckfuck, they´re gaining...ignore the knot in your stomach. Christ, run faster, Orli. RUN! 

Oh shit, my heart is in my throat and I can´t breathe. They´ll grab me and beat me up or worse...heart pounding... they´ll stick knives into me and laugh...and I´ll scream and feel the blood in my lungs and throat and...no! 

Thank god, there it is, I hope I can get through the window in time. Oh god, Bloom, this is no time to do your klutz thing. I´m caught... shit, tug hard, get loose, c´mon you stupid piece of cloth comeoncomeon...shit, no, now my blood´s dripping off the ceiling...slow drip like a faucet, leeching the life out of me, each drop beading...no...fuck, tug again...Yes! I´m free. 

Thank god, I´m in. Now maybe if I hide they´ll go away...oh no, I see the shadows coming closer... closer...I can hear my heart thudding faster. Fuck, my temples are pounding. 

Ohshitohgod, I´m outnumbered and there´s no one here, no one but Viggo. Bugger, work voice, work! Come on, damn you...

"Viggo! Help!"  Oh no...my voice is just coming out as a painful whisper. I´m too scared to shout, too scared to scream. Please, _please_ let him hear me. 

Suddenly, I feel a ghastly chill permeating the area. It´s much worse than the one I felt earlier in the week. This one makes my skin completely crawl, and I feel like there´s freezing cold insects burrowing down into my veins, skittering through my body. It passes by me and the dickheads following me suddenly stiffen up. Looks like they feel it, too. 

The air actually looks hazy around them. The cunts who tried to mug me are looking confused, and then they start partially dissolving, writhing in pain before they scarper away on their good legs...Fuck! I´m glad they´re gone...

Oh god, I think I´m hyperventilating. Getting dizzy... bugger, my hands are shaking...don´t think about it, Orli...don´t think about them punching you in the face...shit, I can´t...god, I feel like throwing up...what? 

The cold´s completely gone now, and my face now feels a little... fizzy. I feel a tingle against my lips, and I open my mouth gratefully to Viggo´s kiss, feeling his comforting warmth flood through me. 

/Sleep,/ I hear him whisper. Yes, sleep... 

When I come to this time, I´m in his arms. "Angel," he says as he holds me. "Are you all right?" 

Damnit Orlando, think of an excuse...any excuse. Improv... fuck, I can´t. I´m too knackered, too upset, too confused. I still feel like I´m going to lose my lunch at any second, and my body won´t stop trembling. I shake my head mutely. 

He hugs me tighter. "Everything will be fine," he says soothingly, stroking my back, "I´ll always be here for you." 

He nuzzles my hair and whispers, "I´ll always protect you while you´re in this house." 

I sink into Viggo´s embrace, shuddering with relief. 

-------
end part 4

chapter 3
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