Bundle of Trouble
part 4/?
Author: Lostiawen
E-mail: Lostiawen
Rated: NC-17
Pairing: EB/KU/OB (sorta)
Summary: Questioning the clone.
Archive: VOLA, Mirrormere, my site. All others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Warnings: Crack!lite, AU, toys, bondage (sort of), weirdness, EWE (editing, what editing?)
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction, none of
this really happened. The author is not associated
with or is implying anything about the sexual
preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.
The concepts used from "Iron Man" are the property of
Marvel Enterprises. The author does not own and is not
making a profit from them.
Author´s Notes:
Sorry this took so long, real life was hell.
By the way, some of the dialog and the concept of the robots was
borrowed from "Iron Man".
Posted July 2, 2008.
The man who looked exactly like Orlando was dressed in skin-tight leggings and a tunic. He wore deerskin boots, and several rings decorated with Celtic knotwork adorned his hands.
Orlando´s reaction was to say the first thing that popped into his head. "That´s a load of bollocks! I don´t have a twin brother!"
He realized as soon as the words had left his mouth that his exclamation probably wasn´t the wisest thing to say. Oh well, he couldn´t take it back.
Fortunately, Orlando´s twin didn´t blast him; he just looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "Have you gone nutters, Oswyn? Or is this part of some daft escape plan of yours? It won´t work, either way, because I forged those chains myself."
"You only caught Oswyn because he didn´t expect you to turn traitor, Osric!" Viggo hissed back. "He´s always been the superior mage!"
"Quiet!" Osric roared before he swiped his hand through the air in a cutting gesture.
Orlando only caught a glimpse of his bonds glowing bright red before an overwhelming amount of pain hammered through him. It felt like someone had grabbed him and was crushing the life out of his body. He bellowed in agony and spots began to dance in front of his eyes.
He was about to pass out when the torment stopped. As he got his bearings, he wondered why he was being mistaken for this Oswyn bloke.
There weren´t too many people who looked like him and could cast magic, so the only thing Orlando could suss out was that he had been zapped into some sort of alternate dimension or time line.
He decided that he needed to steer the conversation along a different path if he was ever going to figure out where the fuck he was.
"Shut it," he said at Viggo. Viggo was about to open his mouth again, but he picked up on Orlando´s ploy quickly and clammed up.
Orlando took a deep breath and hoped that his next few words would sound convincing. "Osric is right. I was trying to escape, and that was the only thing I could think of. You´ve always been the better one."
He breathed a sigh of relief when a slow smile played across Osric´s lips. "Good boy," Osric said. "You´re now talking some sense."
The pharoah decided to pipe up. "Now that they´re subdued, I think this would be the proper time for the entertainment you had planned."
"You´re quite right," Osric said. He closed the distance between them, and Orlando braced himself for another round of torturous pain.
Instead, a soft hand caressed his cheek and trailed down the column of his throat. "I´ve been wanting to do this for as long as I can remember," Osric purred.
"No!" Viggo said, but Osric activated his bonds again and he fell to the ground writhing in pain.
"You can´t do this, I´m your brother!" Orlando squeaked. He knew that some of his sexual partners and kinks were considered to be questionable, but he had three firm rules that he never broke. One was that he´d never shag anything that wasn´t at least human level intelligence. The second was that he would never do anything involving waste products or blood. And the third: no fucking any of his relatives, even if they were from an alternate time line.
He gulped when Osric mumbled a spell to pop his clothing off. If Orlando didn´t think of something soon, rule number three was going to be broken faster than a fourteen-inch dildo in a demonic orgy.
***
Eric was jolted out of his dream by his alarm clock going off. He forgot himself for a moment and slapped his hand against the sodding noisemaker, which caused it to cave in with a solid crack. He winced; that was the third clock he had demolished this month. If it weren´t for his considerable savings, he´d probably be in the poorhouse by now.
Still, he found himself worrying about Orlando. He wondered why; it wasn´t as if Orlando couldn´t take care of himself. Eric told himself that he was being a silly bugger, but he couldn´t kick the feeling of dread that had settled in the pit of his stomach.
He decided against his usual shower and pulled on his costume instead. He also decided to see if Festule was awake. The imp had been passed out for days, and Eric was tempted to shake the little shite awake.
While Eric was strapping his boots on, he heard a crunching noise from his CD collection. He stomped over to his entertainment centre and whipped the door to one of the cabinets open.
"About sodding time you got up," Eric grumbled as Festule spat out a wad of of chewed up foil. "Where have you been?"
Festule took another bite out of Eric´s CD and said, "Told to go away during big fight as usual. Ate many tasty bandages and then heard loud baying like dogs when you came back with Orlando, yes? Humans quite funny when they do greeting ritual, remind me of ..."
"Never mind, what did Orlando do after we finished shagging?" Eric said abruptly. He really didn´t want to hear an embarrassing description of what he looked like while he was banging away.
"Was offered nice big box of tasty treats, ate until tummy veeerrry full," Festule said with a happy sigh.
"Don´t you remember anything else?"
"Tasty treats...mmm..." Festule replied.
"Didn´t you even notice that it wasn´t Orlando?"
Festule crammed another bit of the disc into his mouth and his eyebrows knitted. He looked like he was concentrating on something, but then he let out a loud belch. "Not Orlando? Really? Must see!"
The air shimmered around Festule and then he teleported out of sight.
Eric cursed at the top of his lungs and headed for the lab. He really hated it when these magic types just popped in and out however they pleased. The proximity alarm blared while he was trundling down the hallway, which meant that Karl had taken a break and had left the lab. It also meant that Festule was messing with the clone -- the daft bugger might have even let their prisoner free.
Eric poured on more speed, and he was inside of the lab within the blink of an eye. The clone was still passed out, and Festule was perched on his shoulder. Eric goggled when he saw that the imp had the control module in his hand and had taken a big bite out of it.
"Oooo, very tasty. Yes, just right amount of yumminess," Festule cooed as he feasted on his new treat.
Sean flew in a second afterward, clad only in his boxers and his mask. "What in hell?"
Eric couldn´t stop himself from sniggering. "You look ridiculous, mate. Can´t you figure out how to use your powers to pull your costume on?"
"Sod off. I heard the alarm and I didn´t know if it was a villain or not," Sean replied. He examined the lab and nodded when he was satisfied that everything was secure.
The roar of boot jets signaled Karl´s arrival. He landed and made a desultory noise when he saw that the clone had not been disturbed. A light on the front of his suit blinked, and the alarm immediately stopped blaring.
"I got woken out of a smashing dream for this?" Karl grumbled. "I´m going back to sleep."
Eric grabbed Karl´s arm. "Wait. I think Festule disarmed the control module."
"What? How?"
"How else? He ate it," Eric replied. "Is it safe to wake the clone up now?"
"Assuming that he thinks exactly like our Orlando, yes."
Eric looked over at Sean, but he saw that his team leader was deep in thought. He had crossed his arms and was tapping his index finger against the side of his jaw.
After some deliberation, Sean looked up and said, "Since we can´t chance the little shite popping out of here, I only want his gag loosened. Eric, keep a hold on him while Karl wakes him up. If he tries to cast a spell, I want you to stop him from talking."
"I could get the truth out of him faster if he´s starkers," Eric said.
There was dead silence for a few seconds and then Sean slowly said, "Eric, what are you going on about?"
"Orlando can´t handle frustration," Eric replied. "And I bet Clone Boy is about as bad. I figure if we tease him with some sort of toy, he´ll give us all the answers we need so that we´ll finish him off."
"And who the hell would have one just sitting around?" Sean said.
"I do," Karl said. "But for what you´re intending, we need something special."
Eric replied, "What do you mean?"
"You know Orlando, he won´t even pay attention to any dick less than the size of a kielbasa. I can´t use my usual toy, because it´ll respond to the clone and stick itself in before we can get any answers. The best thing to do is to take my most basic vibrator schematics and craft it into something to get the clone´s attention."
Sean rolled his eyes and his face twisted. "Do I even want to know why the most brilliant engineer in the world has multiple schematics for sex toys?"
"Most blokes aren´t flexible enough to suck my bollocks while fucking me?" Karl said helpfully.
"I´m sorry I asked," Sean grumbled. "What about the pheromone shite that he´s producing? I know Eric will be fine, but what about us?"
"Not a problem. My armor can filter out the chemical and I can give you something that will counteract it. Come on, Sean, you know this is the only way."
"All right," Sean replied. "But I´m covering him."
"Are you sure about that?" Karl said. "Eric has to get his kit off."
Eric blinked in surprise. "And why would I do that?"
"Because I need to take a mould of a big cock, and we know that Orlando can´t resist yours."
Sean sputtered, "Oi, wait a minute, does that mean that Eric has to get hard right in front of me?"
"Well I don´t fancy taking a mould of a soft, floppy cock," Karl replied.
"Right. You two are covering him. Don´t call me back unless it´s an emergency." Sean flew out so fast that he didn´t give either Karl or Eric time to form a witty reply.
Karl shook his head while he retrieved his schematics. "I don´t get it at all. How can Sean be in one of the most homoerotic lines of work and be so straight that rulers look bent next to him?"
"I have no sodding idea," Eric said as he shrugged out of his costume. "Okay, so how do we do this? Do you need to mix up some goop to take a cast?"
"Mix up? What, do you think my equipment´s in the Dark Ages? Just get yourself hard and my scanners will take your cock´s measurements. Then I´ll just use my equipment to make the mould and pop out a new toy." Karl pushed a stud on his console, and the DVD that Eric left with him earlier started playing again. "Thought you could use some help."
"That definitely helps," Eric said as he watched a close-up of his dick plunging into Orlando´s hole. He palmed his rapidly filling cock and was hard within seconds.
Karl tapped on the keyboard, and Eric saw what looked like a small laser descend from the ceiling. Light flickered over his cock, and seconds later, a hologram of it appeared next to Karl´s hand. "Initiate fabrication program, use recent scan 03456 and silicone as the material."
"Initiating," a mechanical voice replied. More equipment whirred and Eric saw the lights flash on one of Karl´s elaborate machines. Seconds later a chute opened and a silicone vibrator popped out. It was a perfect duplicate of Eric´s cock, so lifelike that Eric checked himself to make sure that his own dick hadn´t been somehow removed.
"Sometime you frighten me, mate," Eric said as he pulled his costume back on. Stuffing his erect cock back into his codpiece was a problem, but he managed to wrestle it in.
"What? I have to do something fun once in a while. Designing improvements to my armour gets boring."
"As long as you don´t start pulling pranks." Eric walked over to the clone´s side and started undoing his ankle shackles. Then he clamped his hand around the slender bound wrists and lifted him off the table, keeping the lithe form facing outward. "Karl, I have only one hand free, and I need that to muffle him. Can I get an assist?"
Karl pushed a switch on the com and said, "Hobbits, help Eric out."
Three robots rolled up. They were very utilitarian, looking like mobile boxes with a single arm that could extend over a huge range. The arm ended in three "fingers", the minimum needed to lift and manipulate things. Karl had built them as assistants and named them Elijah, Billy, and Dom.
Elijah and Billy each seized a thigh, pulling back to spread the clone´s legs open. Dom then grabbed the vibrator, positioning it at the clone´s entrance.
Karl tapped a few more buttons on his console. "Full neuro- and biological scans are in place. If he even thinks of lying or escaping, we´ll be alerted."
Eric loosened the gag and said, "Okay, ready."
Karl approached the clone´s limp body and ran his glove over the slender neck. He then backed up and aimed his stunner, keeping an close eye on the lithe form in Eric´s arms.
The clone stirred awake. He looked confused for a few seconds, but then the fog cleared from his brown eyes and he parted his lips.
Eric raised his hand to muffle the oncoming spell, but the sensors remained silent. He paused with his hand in mid-air, hoping that the scans were correct.
He needn´t have worried. The clone glared at Karl and barked out, "You fucking wanker, what´s the idea of knocking me out before I could come?"
"Are you forgetting the mind control device that was implanted in your head?" Karl replied.
The clone blinked a few times. "Mind control? Fuck! That fucking cunt! I´ll fry him!"
"Who?" Eric asked.
"Johnny Depp, that´s who! You shag a bloke for a while no strings attached and then years later, he thinks that he can swan into this dimension, kidnap Orlando, create me, and then stick his arsehole mindfuck thingy into my head."
The clone was starting to pout, which Eric knew was definitely an Orlando thing. Still, he had to keep going until he got all of the answers. "This Johnny has access to advanced technology?"
"Of course he does, you daft bugger. Who do you think made the modifications on my biology? Quite superior to the original, don´t you agree?" He batted his eyelashes at Eric and then noticed that the vibrator was pressing against him. He tried to press down, whimpering when Eric held him firmly in place.
"No sex until we´re satisfied that you´re harmless," Karl said.
"You´re a sadist," the clone muttered. "Can´t we wait until afterward?"
"No," Eric replied. "We need to make sure of a few things."
"Listen Eric, if you think I´m going to go back to that wanker Johnny, you´re a complete git. I´d rather go celibate than let him touch me again."
Karl checked his readouts, and he said, "He´s telling the truth, Eric."
The clone pouted. "What? You´d think I´d still be licking Johnny´s boots? I´m hurt."
"Well, what did happen...uh, what do we call you, anyway?" Eric replied. "I can´t call you ´Orlando´ because we don´t want to mix the two of you up."
"How about Orly?" There was a tiny bit of an accent that Eric couldn´t place on the last syllable. He assumed it was a demonic variant on Orlando´s nickname.
"Orly it is. Now spill," Eric replied.
"Johnny comes from a dimension where technology and magic work hand in hand. He got a hold of some of Orlando´s DNA last month and created me...with a few perks. He slapped the mind control device on me before the final decanting and then he bribed some poor sod to start making a ruckus downtown."
That made sense to Eric. "That mage with the disintegration spells?"
"Who else could it be, yeah? Johnny and I were lurking around invisibly, so when Orlando disappeared, we zapped him and I took his place. I was supposed to immobilize all of you and then summon Johnny."
Eric snorted. "And how in fuck were you going to take care of Sean? He´s straight and he´s too tough for you to zap unconscious with one spell."
Orly looked out at Eric from underneath his eyelashes. "I figured I could turn anyone gay."
"My arse," Karl snorted.
"There´s no way on Earth you could swing Sean in your direction. He´d rather eat his own leg than try some cock," Eric added.
Orly glared and looked incredibly offended. Eric was about to a pologize when Orly made a sputtering noise and collapsed into giggles. "And if you believe that rubbish, I´m the Queen of England. I was going to raid the infirmary and put some sleeping pills into Sean´s beer. You know how he always has to have a pint in the evening."
Karl replied. "Okay, we´ve got the info we needed. Let me tell the Hobbits to let go of you and we´ll raid Johnny´s headquarters."
Orly looked at Karl with his best puppy dog eyes. "Not just yet? You promised me shagging?"
Eric was conflicted. He had Orly firmly immobilized, and he had to admit that he looked quite fetching dangling from his grasp, his long legs splayed open and effectively bound. On the other hand, Orlando was being held hostage, and Eric had no idea if Johnny was intending to harm him.
Then Orly turned around and gave Eric one of the most pitiful expressions he had ever seen. "Please? I won´t be in tip top fighting shape if I don´t have an orgasm. Just one, it´s all I ask."
It was hard for Eric to tell what Karl was thinking, since that damned helmet of his was covering his entire face. Meanwhile, Orly was squirming in Eric´s grasp, trying to push his hips down.
Karl finally broke the silence. "The clock´s ticking on Orlando."
"And if you don´t get me off, Johnny will have leverage against me," replied.
"How so?"
"The last time Orlando got together with Johnny for a celebratory orgy, they were so out of control that the residents of that dimension put a price on their heads. I can´t be around Johnny while I´m still horny, I´ll launch right into his lap."
"I thought he was kidding about being stalked by assassins for excessive shagging!" Eric said.
"Say what?" Karl replied. "Orly´s not taking the piss?"
"Not at all." Now that Eric knew that the story was true, his next course of action was clear.
"Orly," he purred out. "Look at me."
Orly´s breath hitched before he swiveled his head around. Eric licked at the full lips, teasing them until Orly opened with a soft moan. He plunged his tongue in, amazed that it felt exactly like kissing Orlando.
Fire leaped in Eric´s veins and he deepened the kiss, hungering for more. Their tongues battled and then Orly let Eric ravish his mouth, mewling as he surrendered everything to Eric´s whims.
"Please," Orly groaned when they parted for air. His cock was hard as nails and curled against his belly. Pre-come welled out of the tip and started dribbling down his engorged shaft.
Eric noticed that Karl was in front of him, standing between Orly´s spread legs. He said, "Dom, shoo. I´ll take over."
The robot made a confused noise and tried to back off with the vibrator. "Damnit, no! Give that to me!" Karl said.
Dom whirred and prodded Karl´s leg with the toy. Karl growled, "You´re sodding useless. Give that to me or I´m donating you to a community college."
The robot made a sound that resembled a whinge and dropped the vibrator into Karl´s outstretched palm before he wheeled away. Karl paused only long enough to activate the toy before he plunged it into Orly´s hole, filling him with one thrust.
"YES!" Orly shrieked. He arched in Eric´s grasp and writhed, trying to gain more contact. "More, please!"
"You´re such a whore," Karl growled as he pumped the vibrator. "You love having your hole stretched open like this, don´t you?"
Orly´s only reply was a strangled mewl. His head fell back and he panted heavily as Karl thrust the vibrator inside of him. He was the very picture of decadence -- sweat had dampened his curls and plastered them to his forehead, his tongue flickered over his slightly parted, full lips; and the surface of the toy glistened wetly as Karl reamed him. Orly´s cries grew in volume with each hard plunge, and Eric could tell by the tenseness in his body that he was close.
"Ease up there, Karl," Eric said. Karl slowed down, and Orly mewled in protest, squirming as he desperately tried to impale himself. Karl kept the thrusts shallow, which caused Orly to snarl out a long string of expletives.
Eric leaned in close and brushed his lips against Orly´s ear. "If you want to come, you´ll have to beg."
"I need to come so badly, please...I´ll do anything," Orly said in a breathless voice.
"You´ll let me and Karl bend you over and fuck you whenever we want?" Eric growled.
Orly whimpered, "Yes...Oh!" His body suddenly went taut and Eric guessed that Karl had found his sweet spot.
"Good, because we´ll use you until you´re dripping with spunk from head to toe...and you´ll beg us for more. You´re such a slag that you´ll spread yourself open as soon as I whip it out, and you´ll be gagging every minute for more."
"Yes...fuck, Eric!" Orly wailed before he convulsed wildly. Eric tipped Orly´s head back and snogged him hard, swallowing Orly´s mewls of pleasure as his cock jumped; splattering his heaving chest with thick ropes of white fluid.
***
It took a trivial spell on Orly´s part to clean up and put himself back together after he came down from his mind-shattering orgasm. Karl contacted Sean a few minutes later, and assured him that everyone was decent. After some grumbling, Sean flew back in, clad in his full costume.
Orly grinned at him. "So, I'm ready to go. Shall we have Eric kick down the door of Johnny´s base?"
"Why me?" Eric groaned. "You always look in my direction when you want me to act like some sort of bloody large bulldozer."
Sean interrupted Orly before he could spit out a retort. "I hate to rain on your parade, lad, but do you know where Johnny is?"
"Uh, no...he teleported me out while I was still following his orders. Never gave me a heads up on where we were."
"You´re a great help," Sean said.
Before Orly could protest, an odd, abrupt sound came out of the corner of the room. It sounded like a pump, but they didn´t have that kind of equipment around.
Eric said, "Sounds like a cat with a furball."
Orly squeaked, "It´s Festule!"
He mumbled an incantation as fast as possible and a glowing green shield snapped over the corner and the adjoining wall. The next moment, Festule made a drawn out puking noise and something clattered along the ground.
"Whew," Orly said as he dismissed the shield. "I thought that was going to be messy. If you think his gas is bad, you should try cleaning up after he tosses his cookies."
A small, plastic box covered in goo was sitting on the tile next to a confused Festule. "Not good, not good...couldn´t digest it."
Orly´s eye brow shot up. "That´s impossible! You can eat any plastic. What the fuck?"
While he was ranting, the box glowed and a hologram suddenly appeared above it. A dark-haired man with a small mustache pulled a cigarette out of a case.
"Johnny!" Orly exclaimed.
The image lit the cigarette and took a long drag before he began to speak. "If you´re seeing this, it means that your little imp thing has finally figured out that he needed to eat the mind control box. No worries -- as soon as the pieces hit stomach acid, a spell will go off to rebuild the bits into this holographic device. He´d have to spit it back up, but what´s a little barf between friends?"
"I´m not your friend, you wanker!" Orly replied.
Karl said, "Uh Orly, he can´t hear you."
"Don´t count on it."
The hologram continued, "Since my sexy little clone is now free, you´ll probably be wanting to do something foolish after he´s done fucking whoever he can get his hands on. I wouldn´t advise that -- while Orly was still under my influence, I asked him for everything Orlando knew about the team. So unless you want your secret identities broadcast to your enemies, you´ll show up at my base quietly."
"Is that true?" Sean asked.
Before Orly could answer, Johnny pointed at each of them in turn. "Karl Urban, CEO of Urbane Tech; Eric Bana, retired professional race car driver; and Sean Bean, welder by day, team leader by night. Are you satisfied now?"
"I can´t fucking believe that you gabbed about us!" Eric shouted at Orly.
"Bugger off! I had no choice!" Orly folded his arms across his chest and pouted. "How would you like to try keeping mum when you´ve got a thingy tapping directly into your sodding mind?"
"Wouldn´t happen. That device wouldn´t be able to pierce my skull," Eric replied.
"That´s because you´re a thick bastard! *Nothing* can get through your skull!" Orly hissed.
"If you two are done arguing..." Johnny interrupted.
The heated exchange between Orly and Eric stopped immediately and they stared at Johnny. He tapped the ash off his cigarette and was standing there, waiting.
"You don´t leave us any choice," Sean said. "Tell us where to go, and we´ll do it peacefully."
Johnny´s lips curled into a devilish smile. "Thought you´d see it that way. Hold still for two seconds."
Bolts of some sort of purplish energy crackled around the box. It suddenly filled the entire room, temporarily blinding Eric. The room started spinning, and just before he passed out, he realized that they were caught in a teleportation spell.
When Eric woke up, he was lying on the floor in what looked like a lab. He couldn´t identify the technology at all, and little imps were scurrying around, attending to everything.
Johnny was sitting on the edge of an examination table, blowing smoke rings. Lying on the slab next to him was Orlando´s unconscious form.
"Sorry about that. I knew that you were allergic to tport spells, so I added in a bit of tech to get you here. You weren´t out long," Johnny said.
"Now that everyone´s aware and present...what do you want, and what did you do to Orlando?" Sean asked.
Johnny sucked on his cigarette and blew out a plume of smoke. "There´s a little artifact that I want retrieved. Unfortunately, the pieces were scattered throughout different time periods."
"So what do you need us for?" Karl asked. "Isn´t your tech advanced enough to build a time machine?"
Johnny snorted. "Not even my people have figured that one out. But I found out an interesting fact -- a couple of powerful mages were responsible for discovering the artifact and scattering the pieces in the past."
He flicked his hand open and a globe appeared in his palm. Karl and Sean hesitated to move forward, but Eric didn´t. He was pretty sure that if there was anything hostile linked to the globe, he could withstand it.
Peering closely, Eric could see a two willowy mages with brown, curly hair muttering a spell. They were dressed in Victorian-style clothes.
"What the fuck?" Eric said. "That looks like two Orlandos!"
Johnny replied, "Almost correct. The mages are William Blanchard and his twin brother Jonathan. Keep watching."
A long staff was situated between the twins, and Eric could see that the length was decorated with some sort of runes. As they continued to gesture, it began to twist, shooting out sparks of energy. The twins tried to get it under control, but a fierce wind sprung out of nowhere, whipping around the two of them.
The staff pulsed, and then a purple beam shot out, hitting one of the twins. Eric realized exactly what that was and tore his gaze away.
"What?" Karl asked.
"It looked like the twins were trying to dispose of the artifact... and one of them got disintegrated for his trouble." Bile was rising in Eric´s throat, and it took a distinct effort for him to keep from hurling.
"Correct," Johnny said. "Jonathan was able to complete the spell and scatter it, but William died in the process. He also happens to be Orlando´s last incarnation. Because of the nature of his previous death, Orli is uniquely tied to this artifact."
"It doesn´t explain what you need us for," Sean said.
"Very simple. I´m going to send all your souls back in time, just like I did with Orlando."
---
end part 4
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